I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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