I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
