Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I am never drinking with the goths again.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
