One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Maybe he injected his testicle?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
