I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Randomize
