I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
