At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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