Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
