i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
this will be a night to untag.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
