ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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