What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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