it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
