just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize