Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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