so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
