I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
