I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
