Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
