I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
