Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
We are all done wearing pants today
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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