Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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