If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Randomize
