Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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