Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
