I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
