Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
