did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
as a side note pls kill me
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
