Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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