My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
