So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize