Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
You took a bar mat shot.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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