My brain says no but my pants say off.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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