dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
