Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
