I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
A bitchslap is in order.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
