There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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