Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
