Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
