There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
