At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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