my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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