Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
