I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
