Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
He did a backflip because drugs
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
