apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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