You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
