I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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