Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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