I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
