omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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