the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
