so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
