i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Randomize
