i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
nutella sex= disaster
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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