I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Come on in and take your pants off
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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