we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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