I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize