Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
