He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
a search helicopter?!
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
