Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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