Do you still have your period?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
