So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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