So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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