i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
His nipple licking is glorious
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