3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
ok first of all what the fuck
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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