so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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