does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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