oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
