Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
